The Big C’s
Cathartic
It’s time for the post I didn’t want to write. But here we are. My last post, “I Am Not Okay” was an esoteric musing of my life write now. Only a few close people would have understood some of the suggestive sentences, and metaphors. Writing for me has always been cathartic. It serves as a way to get all of the struggling thoughts out of my head. Once they’re exposed, I can think a bit more clearly, without some of the negative energy getting in the way. As soon as I pushed publish on that post, I had a sense of relief. Now let me expand on what some of it meant, as many of you have contacted me with lovely words of support and concern.
Carolyn
Let’s start with some fun/sad news. I recently got this happy fabric package in the mail from Pink Castle Fabrics. You’re looking at a snippet of ten yards of Carolyn Friedlander CF Collection Grid Diamond Metallic in Brown and Pewter. I bought these at bottom basement prices, and they’ll be perfect for quilt backs. However, my benefit comes at the detriment of Pink Castle Fabrics closing their doors. Gah! Pink Castle Fabrics was one of the first online fabric shops I discovered on my quilt journey. I was so saddened to see their closure, and yet I was taking advantage of it. Weird feeling.
Cancelled
Remember back in March when my wedding got cancelled? Yeah, me too. That’s still playing on my mind on how to move forward with marrying the mister. Current social distancing rules regulate that weddings can’t have dancing, and only the bride groom and groom are allowed to stand. All other guests are to remain seated. Considering our event was a cocktail party, with one of Australia’s best DJs, chair dancing just doesn’t seem on the same level.
We’re looking at all options now, because honestly, I’m getting tired of that big, fucking diamond ring sitting in its box. I need some bling on my fing’.
COVID19
The COVID19 situation shows no sign of letting up. It’s mentally driving me into the ground, a situation I didn’t fully realise was happening. I have it relatively easy, as local, Sydney cases are relatively small in number. This means the scare-factor of it all has been relatively low. I still wear my mask and social distance! Meanwhile, my friends in Melbourne have been in stage four lockdown for over four weeks and have several weeks to go. They are restricted to staying in their own homes without visitors except for one hour of exercise per day, shopping for food and permitted work. There’s also an 8pm-5am curfew in place. This is a difficult, yet concerted effort to protect all citizens. My empathetic heart still hurts for them.
(Side-eye, side-note:
Dear America, this is because in late-July, Melbourne case numbers reached 6,300 in a population of 5 million. In contrast, the state of Alabama has a population of 5 million with 128,000 cases and 2,200 deaths. Fucking-hell America, what are you doing!?)
However, the omnipresence of this global situation has really set in. At the outset there were Zoom linkups, frantic mask-makings, puzzle scrambles, toilet paper hunts. The novel excitement has worn off, and now it feels as if we are slowly working our way through sludge. The same, lugubrious experience occurs each and every day. Is this depression or just a big case of the ugh, blergh, meh, and ho-hum doldrums?
Carol
She’s better known to y’all as Grandma Sparkles, but growing up she was known to me as Grandma Carol. Well, I hate to report, but she has gone home to Alabama. Grandma got to spend five months in Australia, more than any of us ever expected! What a trip! However, at the end of the day, there were some real challenges we couldn’t overcome. One of her siblings passed while she was here, and another one has recently been diagnosed with COVID19. My very small apartment in Sydney, simply wasn’t big enough to house all of our larger than life personalities. I wish we had a giant mansion for us all to live in (and a room dedicated to fabric!)
Fortunately, Grandma learned appropriate safety measures while living in Australia and made it home safely. She was also able to see that there is a world that exists outside of the United States. While she knew this already, I know it was eye-opening for her to see real-life experiences, and cultural differences presented in an Australian-friendly way. There were tears and aching hearts, but I’m sure she’ll be back to Australia once all this crap of the world subsides.
Cancer
There’s really no other way to say it, than to just put it right out there. A few days after Grandma left (which was hard enough), Mr. Sparkles was diagnosed with cancer. Yep, Mr. Sparkles has prostate cancer. Ain’t that a doozy. Adam turned 52 this year, which as we’ve been told repeatedly is quite young for prostate cancer. Yet, here we are.
We’ve been traversing doctor’s appointments, blood tests, MRIs, body scans, research literature, and emotional upheaval for several weeks now. When we got the positive diagnosis it was a real slap in the face. I’m sure like other people diagnosed with cancer, you feel stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sometimes I feel them all at once, and other times back to front. It’s a journey.
The reassuring news is that the intermediate grade cancer is contained to the prostate. Also, due to a connection through my BGFF’s mum, we got Mr. Sparkles accepted as a patient by Australia’s best urologist who has pioneered the treatment he will be receiving. So at the end of the month, we’ll be wheeling him in through the doors of St. Vincent’s hospital to have that little sucker removed. We’re not out of the woods yet, but feeling better now that we have a plan.
Men: Get checked. Ladies: Get your men checked. A PSA test, or finger up the bum now is a lot less painful than an unknown cancer later.
Civics
Underlying all of the challenge of the American election. While I live in Australia, and very much consider myself Australian, I still value my homeland. I care for its well-being and hope they will right their sinking ship. The Trumpian values should be silenced in shame with his expungement from office. If you’re reading this, and you’re a Trump support (how!?), you should reconsider your life choices. You will be destroying my life and my family with that choice. A friend of Trump is not a friend of mine.
Just in case we needed to make that clear.
Clarity
So that’s where I am today. Thank you for letting me verbally dump all of these events out into the world. Hopefully, now I can get back to some regularly scheduled programming of quilts! I really need to dive into some WIPs that are almost finished. Surely that will make me and the world a better place.
I have to tell you that your last post of “I am not OK” threw me for a loop simply because I am not in the close loop. Sending good love and hopes for Mr Sparkles, and that the horrible “C” was caught in time and that you will have many happy years together. And BTW, Grandma Sparkles does NOT look like a Grandma 🙂 I cannot imagine any one voting for Trump, but then that’s what I thought with our last election. I am so ashamed to be an “American”. Love you
Suspected something was simmering beneath …the biggest hugs and since were social distancing the warmest smiles and loudest air kisses SB 😘😘😘
On all fronts – Best wishes.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-Jean
❤️
When I read your last post, I was praying that it wouldn’t be the same position as my husband and I found ourselves in back in 2013. All I can do is send a humongous hug to you & Adam, it is socking news to get your heads around. Hopefully Adam has the disposition as my man…..he used to say “Don’t know what the drs are going on about, they only want a guinea pig…..there’s nothing wrong with me”. He remained in that frame of mind all the way throughout everything that was thrown at him in the past 5 years. Love to you both 💕💙💕💙💕💙💕💙🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Thinking if you guys while on your journey. Hope it all goes well for Mr Sparkles. As my Mum who has non Hodgkins has always said I’m not going to let the cancer beat me!” She was diagnosed in 1996 and she’s going well. Take care both of you xx
I hate cancer. I am so sorry that your wedding had to be postponed. There is just SO MUCH going on for so many people right now. What is up with 2020? As I type, it’s 3:00 am. I woke up with stress about wildfires (I live in California), COVID (I’m a teacher and the kids are coming back to class soon), and the election (we have to get that dumpster fire out of office). I am trying to take care of myself and stay calm. Your blog has always made me smile. Keep writing.
2020 has been a year of challenges for all of us, hopefully we can all get them out of the way in one awful year and move on to better things next year! In a life together we have our ups and downs, and it’s how we handle our downs that is telling. You will get through this …. together.
As for wedding issues, just my opinion, but being married is about the two of you, not the party. Maybe an intimate ceremony might mean more right now than a big statement party which can come later. I’m sure all will be well, it’s just a bit fraught right now. Whatever happens, you are both stronger than you know. Hang in there!
Oh, what an incredibly difficult time for you all. What a shitshow of a year. Sending love and strength. F*** cancer!
This planet needs a million yous I love your heart I love your being , what a beautiful soul, sometimes I wonder if we have lost our way and then I read this and know that everything is alright with the world because you exist! You are a beautiful story teller a beautiful friend husband ,grandchild, person. Take good care of Mr. Sparkles !
Dear Molli, along with thousands of others, I’m sure, I send my thoughts to you. Hang on in there! What a year this is being eh … Love and Hugs
Been there, done that. 2020 needs to be over. Sending good vibes, lots of prayers, big hugs, best wishes and warmest regards.
That’s a lot to handle! Sharing hope for better times.
Molli, love, we’re always behind you. I did suspect the diagnosis was behind your last post. I have no words of wisdom, but I know Mr. Sparkles is lucky to have you by his side. Regarding the other topics in this post, I couldn’t agree more. I hope the voters in this country wake the hell up and do the right thing.
Molli, love, we’re always behind you. I did suspect the diagnosis was behind your last post. I have no words of wisdom, but I know Mr. Sparkles is lucky to have you by his side. Regarding the other topics in this post, I couldn’t agree more. I hope the voters in this country wake the hell up and do the right thing.
Sending much color, sparkles, and glitter your way (just the good ones!). I agree, everything is tough right now. I haven’t seen my friends since Quiltcon in February. 🙁 I just rearranged my sewing room so I can see my garden properly, and watch the birds at the feeders (and be jealous of their freedom). Hummingbirds this morning! I’m also watching big fat swallowtail caterpillars eat up my parsley. The plant is in my sewing room safe from the birds until the butterfly enclosure arrives tomorrow. 🙂 . I dug out my feng shui books yesterday, because why not. Whatever helps! And, I’m voting in person in November even if I have to wear hazmat gear to do it. Gotta make it count. Ok. Back to sewing….only bright colors. Hugs to you both.
All my love and hugs to you both for a speedy recovery.
My heart goes out to you and Mr. Sparkles – so much to deal with. Words fail me – I wish I had some magical, glittery, bedazzled, sparkling words that might encourage both of you and lift your spirits. Failing at that, all I can do is send love, love, and more love, along with lots of hugs and prayers.
Sending lots of love to you and Adam for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.
I know you can’t see us but there is a whole bunch of us out here holding you dear in our hearts. I actually called the airline to come out there. They said no. Venting is fine. Vent whenever you need to – we’ll put the kettle and. (Or pop some champagne.) This is my fav quilt blog – never ever boring. Thanks for all you do for us.
Molli,
I am saddened to hear that Mr. Sparkles has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I wanted to let you know that my husband has been 5 years cancer free after having his prostate removed. I wish the same for you and Mr. Sparkles. I am also saddened to hear your tirade about current events in the US. I look to your emails for quilting news, not political tirades. I am so overwhelmed with all of the current news I need no further exacerbation from you. My life sucks enough right now!
The Big C is always the worst news… I’ve been in your shoes too…having my significant other be diagnosed with prostate cancer…it’s truly gut wrenching!
I’m just so deeply grateful you’ve found good doctors and are aggressively taking care of this! Unfortunately…depending on age…the course of action is do nothing…I understand that in some cases the cancer is slow growing but the psychological effect of doing nothing is horrible… knowing you have untreated cancer is something no one wants to live with!
Sending you and your family much love and positive thoughts…you’re an amazing
loving partner!
All the best to you both! Life is always a little challenging in ways big and small, but to have so many at once… it’s just hard. Hold your lived ones close!
I hope Adam is doing well. I am sending you all all the love and support a stranger can. You are a true inspiration to me and my quilting journey and I hate that you are going through all of this. Much love always! John x
Holy shit! I’m so sorry to hear the your man has cancer. Thankfully, there are really effective treatments and the picture is so much better if it is just within the prostate. Look after yourself too, Molly. Caring for someone with cancer is so important but also really hard. Sending you and Mr Sparkles love and good thoughts! Wish I could do more.
I am so so glad Mr. got an early dx and the top Dr. Paramount. I hope he can connect with others who have had the same treatment and find out strategies. This whole C thing sucks. Love, and thanks for a well written post.
Thank you Molli for being so candid (another C word….). As a Melburnian, I am just so over all of it. And extra stressors just make it all seem so insurmountable. Good luck to you and Mr Sparkles in his treatment and recovery – my life is devoted to cancer treatment and education, so I know that you will do everything needed right now. Mostly I am sure, he needs you. Hugs. X
I am so sorry for the Cancer diagnosis. My husband is a few years from having his bout of Prostate cancer. He was “young” at that time too. It’s been a learning curve ever since but he’s doing well. A prostate cancer diagnosis is one that truly affects both partners. I’m sending hugs to both of you. Just keep breathing and don’t stop having those moments to decompress and just vent. And yes, 54 is young, but shit happens. The stress is real and I am sorry Mr’s diagnosis is another hurdle for your life plans together. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, or so they say. I am sure you will both get through it together with your usual sense of humor and zest for life.
I think you know I love you, and I’ve been thinking about you and Adam since March, when you had to cancel your long-planned wedding, and I’ve been extra thinking about you since you shared this news. Big hugs and I’m here if you need to chat. 💜💜
Oh Molli! So much on your plate at the moment 😱 I hope the offload did the trick and you are now focussing on breathing and looking after yourselves 💖💜
A friend at work has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer too, so while I’m not in exactly the same boat as you are, I can confidently say cancer can go f*ck itself! It sounds like you have a great plan in place, and I wish Mr Sparkles a quick and easy path thru treatment and a full recovery xo
Here’s some big (((HUGS))) for you both – & love & best wishes x <3
After watching for and reading the past few posts, I knew something was going on. So sorry about Mr Sparkles cancer. Sending strong, positive thoughts your way. I believe all will be good! Yes I’m about through with this virus dominating our lives, but I guess it’s just taking things one step at a time for now. As far as the Trump infection, how do you deal with loved ones who are supporters??? It is so hard.
So sorry to hear this about Adam. God can do anything but fail. He got this. Anyone that loves Trump, hates me. I really don’t get how these “Christians” follow Trump but don’t follow Christ nor his love for everyone. I am lifting Adam and you up right now. Blessings friends
Thanks for reminding us all to get checked. And don’t forget the colon cancer check. Seems that people younger and younger are being impacted. Is it the environment?
I’m sending wishes for a speedy recovery.
So sorry to hear about your news. Sending best wishes for you both to get through all your C’s.
We know you both will be giving this challenge your all. A simple justice of the peace wedding is fine for now – have the party next year and celebrate Mr. Sparkles health at the same time.
Much love from Pensacola MQG and specifically the ‘ETTES’ – Janette. Aka Janie.
So sorry that you are going through all of this. So very hard to deal with all the stuff. One step at a time as they say. Just keep on loving with all your heart.
Wow – a ‘c’omprehensive post. Firstly – I wish Mr Sparkles (and yourself) the very best in your journey. A tough one for sure but I’m ‘c’onfident you’ll see the rear of it soon – forever. Now I’m out of the loop a little and saw your post on the weekend about the exciting news – a wedding. Congratulations to you both. An absolute shining light in your troubled year. (And I totally agree with everything you say about the imbecile in the White House. I feel the same about some of ‘friends’ that don’t believe in covid nor mask wearing. I’m too old to foster relationship where we are not aligned. Shame but adios). Take care and have a blast in married life.
Wow, I just read the great article about you in Issue 28 of Simply Moderne. I was so enamored of your work and your seemingly great attitude about life that I jumped into your website to say great things to you. BUT I find that you say we cannot be friends because I am a Trump supporter. I cannot imagine how anybody in the entire world thinks that our lives are better under Biden. Biden has brought America to its knees. I wish you much success and happiness but I will not be back to share with you (your choice, not mine.)
Mary Fields, Tucson, Arizona, U.S.A.