Sunday Stash #282 – I Have This Thing With Teal

Ever since I was a young, sparkling bundle of rolly-polly joy, I was always asked, “What’s your favourite colour?” I would without fail, always respond, “Red.” I was always so steadfast in my answer because red was my mom’s favourite colour. She was the type of woman that would paint her nails fire engine red as an understatement. She wasn’t afraid to let her breasts spill over a red lace bra barely hidden by a white ribbed singlet, cut off at the midriff so you could see her red thong hitting above the waist line of her daisy dukes. She’d then put on a bold, red lip to go to the Texaco to buy Marlboro Red cigarettes. Momma wore red, and she wore it like she owned it.

As I was raised by my Grandma Sparkles, I never had the most connected relationship with my mom. However, as kids are prone to do, I flexed out a scenario of fixing that. She loves red, okay then, I’ll love red, too. She’ll love me then. In fact, I’ll love red to the extreme, and then she’ll have to love me more than anyone else. I’ll love red so damn hard, my mom will want to wrap me in her arms and tell me she was sorry for ever letting me go. I’ll paint my nails, my lips, and my life in red, just so we could finally have our own red letter day. So that’s how I began to love red, and that’s also how I began to resent it.

It wasn’t until I finally gave up on that relationship in adulthood, that I was able to realise that red wasn’t my favourite colour. In fact, it was and still is one of my least favourite colours. Clearly, the fallacy I had created to fix an impossible relationship did not work. It never would have worked. Rose-coloured glasses, indeed. As I slowly bled the toxicity out of my life, I was able to let red go. No one loved me less, and no one loved me more because of it. It was just a colour, and one I had borne the responsibility of for far too long.

If you were to ask me today, “What’s your favourite colour?” I’d probably say something flippant like, “rainbow metallic,” but really, I just have this thing with teal. I buy teal fabric because I like it, and that’s the only reason I need.