TGIFF – Shudder
When I wrote my first post about Shudder back in February, I remarked, “I want this quilt to personify the shudder of anticipation, the sweet sensation of a caress, the vibration ricocheting around your body, all serving to remind us that our sensuality exists. Allow yourself to feel it.” Through the process of making this quilt, I realised that same shudder feeling exists in so many other scenarios. Ultimately, this quilt is about finding out love is not really there when you thought it was. The sensational shudder you felt at the beginning of a relationship can quickly turn into a shudder of disappointment. Both are valid feelings, and you should not be afraid to realise the potential of either.
While making this quilt, I started writing poetry, that for me, emotionally tied into each blog post about Shudder. I’ve grouped it all here, as a differing way of showing my process along the way. For those that have been following along, you’ll find a new, and the last instalment at the end.
A February wind blows ice through the hurtful air,
Eyes are blurred, not stopping, no, no-no, don’t care
I need to feel his warmth–any temperature will do here
Soul so cold, even when I laid before him bare.
Didn’t know I’d miss it, or need it want it crave it for
Evaporating touch: could now never be more sure
Then it reappears, but distant as ever as before
So I beg in silence, just make me shudder some more.
They keep coming on, like ripples and waves
Blocks of colours, staggered in ways
That keep the feeling, of tipples and raves
Blind of ambition, daggers through haze.
Stick words to the wall, your love it will save
Needles and pins, hearts are ablaze
Stitch words in silence, enough still to crave
Then with a final shudder you say…
“Thanks for this, but can we just be friends instead?”
My first grown up love, forcing me out of his cooling bed.
So I hide my embarrassment, behind my tearing eyes
Knowing the shudder you felt, was smaller than mine
I didn’t linger longer, my world crumbling apart
Like rusted flecks of paint, falling from my virgin heart.
My bruised heart mended, but always fully effected
by the misguided zing! boom! in my head I had constructed
Now I can see behind, clearly, with more perspective
I was better than that, and the actions you selected.
So the next time you see me, I know you’ll start to flutter,
Let me whisper in your ear, just above a mutter
But I’ll only say it once, and walk away, without a stutter:
“I’ve got a new love, one that fully, makes me shudder.”
Size: 62″ x 82″
Pattern: Delectable Mountains, tutorial by Mishi Kichi
Fabric: Pat Bravo for Art Gallery’s Carnaby St. range
Binding: hand stitched with Aurifil 50wt, colour 2024 White
Backing: Pieced backing using Carnaby St. yardage, and coordinating Art Gallery Pure Elements solids
Favourite Part: The aesthetic of the quilt successfully captures the feelings I wanted to portray.