So I confronted my girl Miley Cyrus last night, and was all like, “Gurrrl, I know you’re leading that twerking class in about 30 minutes, but you need to sit that ass down and gimme that red finger because I have some news for you that will leave that wrecking ball ….”
Miley, “I’m sorry, who are you?”
While clutching my pearls and giving her stank face, “Exsqueeze me? I am Molli B. Sparkles, classically trained point-and-shoot photographer and ex-novice quilt maker!”
Miley, “And, so you want like an autograph? I don’t really have time for a photo, I’ve got that twerking class to get to.”
I may or may not have whispered, “bitch,” under my breath, before launching into my own diatribe about how Miley was my namesake, my life and my everything–next only to Madonna, Mariah, Kylie, Celine, Cher, Janet, Barbara, Diana, Tina, Aretha, Beyonce, Whitney, Stevie, Christina, and Dolly Parton. Oh, most definitely Dolly Parton. “Who, if I might remind you is your Godmother!”
Miley, “Yeah, I know, she’s great. Dollywood and all that. But, wait, why are you here? Or do I need to call security?”
“Well! Heaven’s to Betsi! I have never in all of my stars!” And that’s when it happened. I threw the book at her. Quite literally.
Let’s just say she didn’t think it was funny, and it’s also not that easy to run in five-inch stilettos. Thankfully, some tweens saw her chasing me, providing the perfect screen for my escape!
Miley and me = no longer friends.
That’s just too bad too, because I know she would have enjoyed Megan Dougherty’s new collection of threadful humor, Quilting Isn’t Funny
! Ms. Bitchy Stitcher herself could have taught Ms. Thang a thing or two, and I bet she would have even autographed her book
for her. But nooo, she had to be all, “Who are you again?” Well, I will tell you Miley, I am a Bitchy Stitcher
devotee, and you’ve just missed out on the greatest book
of 2013, and probably 2017 too. Mmm. Hmm.
All this to say to you, my lovelies, don’t make Miley’s mistake. Buy Megan’s completely self-published Quilting Isn’t Funny
on PDF or paperback and show your support for one of our fellow quilters and my new twerking hero. (Yes, Megan’s got moves you’ve never seen! You should totally ask her about it!)
I’m totally sending the following excerpt to Miley to show her what a real quilting pop star looks like:
“Mom! Look, I can’t explain to you what modern quilting is. Well, I thought I could, but they changed the definition again. It’s just different. Like Lady Gaga. You think she’s a good singer, right? I mean, you thought her pound cake dress was the ugliest thing you’d ever seen, but you still liked the song. Well, I liked the song and the dress. And I just think I’d like quilting with other pound cake dress people.”*
If you want to be a Bitchy Stitcher devotee like me, leave a comment on this post and I’ll randomly draw a winner this time next week. Megan will then send you a signed copy of Quilting Isn’t Funny! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go reorganise my real divas album collection!
See the full list of The Quilting Isn’t Funny Book Tour blog hop below!
*Page 105. Quilting Isn’t Funny, Megan Dougherty.