Miley, The Bitchy Stitcher & A Giveaway

So I confronted my girl Miley Cyrus last night, and was all like, “Gurrrl, I know you’re leading that twerking class in about 30 minutes, but you need to sit that ass down and gimme that red finger because I have some news for you that will leave that wrecking ball ….”
Miley, “I’m sorry, who are you?”
While clutching my pearls and giving her stank face, “Exsqueeze me? I am Molli B. Sparkles, classically trained point-and-shoot photographer and ex-novice quilt maker!” 
Miley, “And, so you want like an autograph? I don’t really have time for a photo, I’ve got that twerking class to get to.”
I may or may not have whispered, “bitch,” under my breath, before launching into my own diatribe about how Miley was my namesake, my life and my everything–next only to Madonna, Mariah, Kylie, Celine, Cher, Janet, Barbara, Diana, Tina, Aretha, Beyonce, Whitney, Stevie, Christina, and Dolly Parton. Oh, most definitely Dolly Parton. “Who, if I might remind you is your Godmother!”
Miley, “Yeah, I know, she’s great. Dollywood and all that. But, wait, why are you here? Or do I need to call security?”
“Well! Heaven’s to Betsi! I have never in all of my stars!” And that’s when it happened. I threw the book at her. Quite literally.

Let’s just say she didn’t think it was funny, and it’s also not that easy to run in five-inch stilettos. Thankfully, some tweens saw her chasing me, providing the perfect screen for my escape! 
Miley and me = no longer friends.
That’s just too bad too, because I know she would have enjoyed Megan Dougherty’s new collection of threadful humor, Quilting Isn’t Funny! Ms. Bitchy Stitcher herself could have taught Ms. Thang a thing or two, and I bet she would have even autographed her book for her. But nooo, she had to be all, “Who are you again?” Well, I will tell you Miley, I am a Bitchy Stitcher devotee, and you’ve just missed out on the greatest book of 2013, and probably 2017 too. Mmm. Hmm.
All this to say to you, my lovelies, don’t make Miley’s mistake. Buy Megan’s completely self-published Quilting Isn’t Funny on PDF or paperback and show your support for one of our fellow quilters and my new twerking hero. (Yes, Megan’s got moves you’ve never seen! You should totally ask her about it!)
I’m totally sending the following excerpt to Miley to show her what a real quilting pop star looks like:
“Mom! Look, I can’t explain to you what modern quilting is. Well, I thought I could, but they changed the definition again. It’s just different. Like Lady Gaga. You think she’s a good singer, right? I mean, you thought her pound cake dress was the ugliest thing you’d ever seen, but you still liked the song. Well, I liked the song and the dress. And I just think I’d like quilting with other pound cake dress people.”*

If you want to be a Bitchy Stitcher devotee like me, leave a comment on this post and I’ll randomly draw a winner this time next week. Megan will then send you a signed copy of Quilting Isn’t Funny! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go reorganise my real divas album collection!

See the full list of The Quilting Isn’t Funny Book Tour blog hop below!
Dec. 2 – Maddie Kertay  – Bad Ass Quilter’s Society (no giveaway)
Dec. 3 – Sam Hunter – Hunter’s Design Studio
Dec. 4 – Carla Crim – Scientific Seamstress
Dec. 5 – Scarlett Burroughs – Craft Gossip
Dec. 6 – Jill Dorsey – Made with Moxie
           
Dec. 9 – Victoria Findlay Wolfe – Bumble Beans Inc
           
Dec. 10 – Lynn Harris – Little Red Hen
Dec. 11 – Teresa Coates – Crinkle Dreams
Dec. 12 – Joshua Helms – Molli Sparkles
Dec 13 – Liz Kettle – Stitch Journeys
Dec. 14 – Leah Day – The Free Motion Quilting Project
Dec 16 – Lisa Sipes – That Crazy Quilty Girl
           
Dec. 17 – Charlotte Newland – Displacement Activity
Dec. 18 – Teri Lucas – TerifiCreations
Dec. 19 – Cheryl Sleboda – Muppin.com
Dec. 20 – Kelly Biscopink – Stitchy Quilt Stuff
Jan. 6 – Generation Q
Jan. 8 – Rose Hughes – Rose Hughes – Quilt Artist
Jan. 9 – Janice Ryan – Better Off Thread
Jan. 10 – Flaun Cline – I Plead Quilty
Jan. 13 – Heather Jones – Olive and Ollie
Jan. 14 – Meg  – Without A Stitch On
Jan. 15 – Laura Lochore – Quokka Quilts
Jan. 16 – Elaine Wong Haselhuhn – Dashasel Sews

*Page 105. Quilting Isn’t Funny, Megan Dougherty.

67 Responses

  1. OMG I do enjoy reading your posts. I would love to win the autographed book!

  2. Fran says:

    Hilarious yourself! I do believe that you & The Bitchy Stitcher share the witty, satirical, funny as hell gene. Or maybe you're soul sisters in that shooting from the hip hilarity. Thanks for the chance to win Megan's book.

  3. I'm so glad to find a new list of quilting blogs to stalk, my reading list is so quiet these days!

  4. rappy says:

    Oh, I'll sign up for that! When does your own book come out?

  5. Vera says:

    Oh honey when is your book coming out? Oh damn, rappy just asked the same question, lol.

  6. giddy99 says:

    I did not know the Bitchy Stitcher was a twerker! You have the best intel!

  7. Kacey says:

    Traveling for Christmas = need good reading material!

  8. juceyj03 says:

    Oh my glitterness!!!
    I really want this book and I sure could use an early Christmas gift….*wink *wink!!
    Thank for the chance to win this sexy book you sweet thang!!
    <3 JeSsIcA
    juceyj03@gmail.com

  9. helen-mary says:

    Would someone please get Miley out of my head. Earworm. aargh…
    In the meantime, I would love the book!

  10. Kris says:

    Wow, I am so glad your blog is part of this blog hop! Great stuff!

  11. patricia says:

    It's too early to have it really make sense. Maybe the drugs need to kick in. All I can imagine is my back going out in an awkward twerked position. And, by the way, twerk is not yet recognized by my Spellcheck. Am I too old for all this?

  12. judabelle says:

    Megan has the coolest blogger-buds. Present company included. I'd love to win the book, too. Thx!

  13. moira says:

    cool! you are such a geg! (that's a good thing by the way :))

  14. At least it's a book from someone with class, unlike the jerking twerk or is that the twerkin jerk!

  15. Vicki H says:

    I can hardly wait to read the book. Thanks.

  16. sewcroceon says:

    Besides the possibility of winning something, this post has given me several new blog favs. Thanks^^

  17. Lisa says:

    To to to funny! I would love to win this book!!
    lisamcgriff (at) Hotmail (dot) com

  18. quiltmom23 says:

    It is blowing my mind how all these comments are coming up dated "13 December" when it is only December 12th in my kitchen. I am so thrilled to have found your blog that it might be a better prize than the book (I'd still love the book, though). You TOTALLY remind me of my friend Michael from graduate school. Now I kinda miss him. I will be tuning in more, Mr. Sparkles…

  19. Pam says:

    new to your blog…u r funny! and i have my fingers crossed for this book…xo

  20. Leigh Anne says:

    As always you make me smile 🙂

  21. pennydog says:

    Haha…. what? 😉 Gotta love a bit of cray-Z…

  22. You and Megan rock! That is all.

  23. Carmen N says:

    Funny! Thanks for the chance to win

  24. Anne says:

    I don't believe for a second that you've really given up on Miley. I know this is just for the paparazzi!

  25. Cheryl says:

    after that quote, who wouldn't want to win this??

  26. Farm Quilter says:

    Cute! Thank you for the opportunity to win!!

  27. MellieWo says:

    Love! Glad you were on the list! Can't wait to see the finished No Value quilt. Thanks for the chance to win!

  28. Katy Cameron says:

    Ha, sounds like my perfect book! Thanks for the chance to win…

  29. Twerking, Celebrity Stalking, awesome Quilt book review AND running in mega heels! Major images running through my brain!

  30. Sharon Green says:

    I love this! Today is the first time I have heard of another bitchy stitcher besides myself… I will have a copy of this book either by drawing or by paying…gotta have it.

  31. I know, you wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream journal so you don't forget all the fabulousness – not that I think Miley is all that! I do, however, think you are all that (and so is Miss Bitchy Stitcher). 🙂 xx

  32. If the book is as funny as your post… I'll be on the floor laughing, Merry Christmas from Oklahoma, USA. crystalbluern at onlineok dot com

  33. charlotte says:

    This great book is on my Santa List that I gave my hubby. If I don't win it first and I am really trying here. You crack me up once again, you sparkly thing!

  34. Lynda says:

    how cute would love it

  35. Thanks again for such an entertaining post, New to Quilting I am SOoooooo glad I stumbled upon your BLOG , gotta love the Sparkles in your life

  36. Jan Barnett says:

    Yo you do add a bit of sparkle to my day, Molli! I'd love that book!

  37. Karin D. says:

    Love your sparkle and wit. Would love the book, too! Glad to have found your blog.

  38. Cherry says:

    Thanks for a great giveaway. Love your blog!

  39. Emily C says:

    Love the post. Very funny. Would love my own copy.

  40. Looooove the new picture on the side bar! Where are the pearls? 😉 thanks for the giggles, as usual! And thanks for hosting this fun giveaway! I will patiently wait till you pick a winner before I buy the book. Lol

  41. I would really like a copy of this book – Megan's blog is so fun ( as is yours, Molly), and I want to read more, more, more. Thanks for the giveaway.

  42. Judy MacLeod says:

    Love your post! If you and Megan are friends, you need to come out with a book to follow hers! Thanks for the chance to win!

  43. Sooli says:

    Hahaha! Another great post (who does that Miley think she is, honestly!), keep on sparkling Miss Molli!

  44. I wonder if Miley twerks during performances of wrecking ball????? Thanks for the giveaway! kmcassie@gmail.com

  45. Always love a good laugh! !

  46. I would love to win Megan's book and who knew she could twerk!

  47. Becks says:

    Ms. Molli… How on earth did you compose yourself? Ms. Thang needs a good beating with that book to knock some sense back into her head! 🙂

  48. tropicslady says:

    Ha Ha, too funny! And yeah, why'd they change the definition of modern quilting AGAIN!!

    LOL

  49. Sarah_L_N says:

    Lol you are so random, I love it 🙂

  50. Althea Dene says:

    Oh Molli, you are on a roll! Thanks for calling attention to Megan's book! A chance to win a free copy….SURE!! Thanks!!!!

  51. Regina says:

    You ARE a riot! Thanks for the chance to win! Keep on keepin' on!

  52. Jenny says:

    I'm a stitcher have have, in fact, been called bitchy, so yeah, I think I might like this book? Thanks for the chance!

  53. Jessica says:

    The book sounds great *fingers crossed* if this fails at least it's nearly my birthday!

  54. Catrin Lewis says:

    I do love a good laugh and it looks like this book would give me just that!

  55. jeifner says:

    I cannot believe she would do you like that that. Ain't nobody got time for that. At least Ms Glitter Mariah herself still knows and appreciates you and all your sparkleness.

  56. Anya says:

    Sounds like a great book! Thanks for the chance!

  57. This sounds like my perfect book – if I don't win I'm going to buy myself one as a late Christmas present!

  58. Gill says:

    I love Megan's blog – her book sounds fabulous!

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