My Right To an Anniversary

This shit’s about to get personal, and not at all quilting related. 
In both the USA and Australia, it’s illegal for me to marry my partner of eight years because he’s a man and, despite the sparkly pseudonym, I’m a man, too. Yes, believe it or not, I’m gay. Shock, horror. Not only have Mr. Sparkles and I been together for over eight years, but during that time I have been a co-parent to his two children from his previous marriage … to a woman.  I call them my kids and they call me their dad. It’s a very modern family, and it works incredibly well. That is except if I wanted to cement my relationship with a marriage certificate from either government. 
“Well, me and my religious beliefs don’t think that gay marriage should be allowed. God loves you and all, but he created Adam and Eve, not Steve.”
I currently don’t belong to any religious affiliation, so I wouldn’t want to be married in a church, or even by a member of the clergy. I would, however, like the government to recognize that I am in a committed relationship and issue me a marriage certificate like they would to ANY man and woman in a relationship that so desired one. Maybe my civics teacher was wrong when she taught me in year nine that there was a separation between the Church and the State. That they couldn’t, shouldn’t and wouldn’t dictate to each other. Yet, somehow, religion always plays into this argument. If the government is issuing my marriage certificate, I don’t need the Church involved, thanks! Besides, why are you dictating your own religious beliefs to me, or to our government? I’m sure they make you happy, so please keep them to yourself. And my name is Molli, who’s this Eve chick?
I hear you saying, “Fine, whatever, I won’t bring religion into it, but marriage is sacred and has been the same for thousands of years. We shouldn’t, no, we can’t change it now.” 
Hmm, perhaps if I bribed my partner’s parents with a dowry, the government would allow it? Oh, I’ve got it, if we arranged the marriage from birth, maybe? Or how about if one of us was only fourteen and still a virgin? None of those? Okay then, it seems like the Institution of marriage has and does change, like every other social, political and cultural construct we live in today. Our modern world is ever changing, and people throughout time have adapted to it in order to survive. Maybe it is actually you who hasn’t changed for thousands of years! Oh, and I also believe marriage is sacred, which is why I want to share it with someone who I have been with for eight years. 
“Okay, so bar all that, let’s call it something else completely, but it will still pretty much be the same. You know, separate but still equal.”
Listen up, bitches, if I have to drink from a different water fountain, that is not equal. If I have to sit at the back of the bus, while you sit at the front, that is not equal. If I am forced to stay home with the kids while you join the work force because you say housework is important too, that is not equal. If the government recognizes a human right allowed you, but wants me to call it something else because of gender, that is not fucking equal. Let me paraphrase: separate is separate and actually means NOT equal. 
I really don’t think I’m asking for much, just the same rights that are afforded to every heterosexual person. You love someone. I love someone. Shouldn’t that be enough?
So, if you read through all of that and are still here, I must tell you, I lied a bit at the beginning, there is some quilty business to be declared! Today, June 1st, is my one year anniversary of quilting–the day I walked into Lincraft and walked out with fabric and a rotary cutter!!! What a thrilling first year it has been! I think I’ll give away some fabric to celebrate! Leave a comment to enter, and I’ll draw next weekend for this FQ from Tula Pink’s Parisville. (International, always welcome). However, if you leave a comment telling me you disagree with gay marriage, I will under no circumstances bless you with fabric–no matter how many times Mr. Randy G chooses your number. Otherwise, good luck, love and sparkles to all of you!

42 Responses

  1. Respect. I'm totally for same sex partners having the right to marry – I truly hope it changes in the very near future. It seems completely archaic to me that two people who love each other cannot get married.
    Happy anniversary!

  2. I'm sorry that you have to write this because it shouldn't be an issue, it's 2013 FFS. I agree with you 100%. I'm sorry our government holds this position. I look forward to the law catching up with reality. Every person deserves to marry the person they love. Power to you Molli. Thinking of you and hoping that things change sooner rather than later so you can marry Mr Sparkles <3 xxx

  3. Adrianne says:

    Babe, come over to New Zealand! You and the mister can get hitched, and if you come to Wellington, I will show you where all the best quilt shops are! Seriously though, I hope Australia and the US get with the programme asap. This discrimination was never right to begin with, and I don't see how it can be maintained for much longer. Congratulations on your quilting anniversary – in my experience, like a good relationship, it just gets better with time.

  4. vexa says:

    Well I'm not surprised since you already showed off your sparkly vampire gay side, lol. Hang in there it's coming. It does take time for the change to happen. Even my tiny country has a thing called registration. You can register with your partner and than you treated as maried couple.
    Congrats on your anniversary! I see big potential in you as you already shown few sparkles. Looking forward your upcoming creations. Hey Randy! I wouldn't mind piece of Hula Hoop, XXX

  5. The O's says:

    I really wish Australia would catch up with the rest of the world, they think they are so advanced but they aren't (say's the UK born, kiwi import, married to the offspring of a Polish refugee couple). Love is between 2 people and it shouldn't matter what their gender is. You can by a car without showing your drivers licence but can't marry the person you share your everything with, what is with that?!

    Anyhoo, I am glad you walked into Lincraft and into the quilty Facebook pages we share. Life is dull without your little sparkle! Love your work Molli and happy anniversary! xx

  6. Patty says:

    Happy Anniversary. Keep up the sparkle! 🙂

  7. *Applause*. I agree, there are important legal acknowledgements that go along with a marriage certificate. Perhaps you may wish to come to Toronto, Canada, where you can have a lovely ceremony at City Hall, no problem.

    And congrats on your quiltiversary.

  8. Deborah says:

    So well said!!!!!!! And happy quilting anniversary.

  9. Julie says:

    Happy Anniversary!

  10. Linda says:

    I agree with you 100% Molli! I'm a straight woman, but I feel if you love someone you should be able to do whatever you want….Marry/Divorce/whatever. You go girrll…..8-) All that matters is that you and Mr. Sparkles have been happily together for 8 years and co-parent his kids….what more could people want??

    xo Linda

  11. Mrs.Pickles says:

    Happy Blogiversary!
    I can understand your anger. You should move to Canada it is Legal here as it should be everywhere! I read recently that gay marriages should not be allowed since they will ruin the institution of marriage. The journalist followed that up with how within the next 5 years over 70% of straight marriages will end in divorce…seems to me like that is the bigger problem..lol

  12. Jane S. says:

    Hear, hear! Committed relationship for 8 years and you can't marry the one you love? That's just not right.

    On a happier note, congrats on the 1 year quilting anniversary. I can hardly believe that you've only been quilting a year. You've accomplished so much already! Keep up the excellent work.

    Big hugs to you and Mr. Sparkles. xxoo

  13. Paula says:

    Very well said. When it comes to marraige the only things that should matter is that the two people involved love each other and are honestly committed to each other. Yes marraige is sacred, but only because it is a serious committment. Coming originally from a country that has been too long dominated by the Church I look forward to the day when Church and State are truly separate. The former has absolutely no place in the latter imho and too many people are suffering inequalities as a result. I sincerly hope that Australia, America, and so many other contries get with the plan soon and finally grant true equality to all when it comes to marraige.

    On a brighter note I wish you a very happy quiltiversary and here's to many more to come. It is truly hard to believe you have only been quilting for a year.

    Keep on Sparkling!

  14. Leo says:

    Happy anniversary – and if writing all that down helps you then do it, well I know ranting doesn't really help, but I always do feel better to get it out of my system (<– that wording looks wrong but my English always sucks after a long day). Hoping the best for you in Australia (not that they are much better here (Germany), but they made a start).

    Oh and of course also happy blogiversary!

  15. Marit says:

    Happy blogiversary – I do hope you will some day celebrate a wedding anniversary too! Thank you for always being so awesome and honest:)

  16. manybooks says:

    Happy Quilt-aversary to you and congratulations on eight years – you absolutely should have the equal right to have your relationship acknowledged everywhere. Thank you for the honest heartfelt post.

  17. Jean says:

    Amen! My Uncle and his partner were together for over 40 years. Hopefully before you reach that milestone you will be able to marry in the country of your choice.
    Happy quilt-versary!

  18. I guess it just has to keep on being said, over and over again, and finally there will be change. With you, and all my other gay friends, all the way Miss Molli. And only one year quilting? Talent by the bucketload my friend. Congratulations. Seriously love your work. 🙂 xx

  19. How fortuitous that I discovered your blog on your 1st quilting anniversary!

    Your 'blog voice' is just brilliant – as is your piecing!

    I was lucky enough to be the 'Best Woman' at my BFF's wedding to his husband last year on the Isle Of Man (oh the irony)- it was the best wedding I'd been to!

    I'm all for equal marriage (obvs) and I look forward to the day you can make a fabulous double wedding ring pattern quilt for you and your partner's nuptials here in Aus.

  20. Sooli says:

    Happy Anniversary Molli! I'm with you all the way on the whole gay marriage issue, I just don't see what the big deal is. The world didn't end when women got the vote, or a myriad of other so-called 'unnatural' situations were acknowledged as perfectly legal and it won't end if we legalise marriage between same sex partners.
    I love your reverse discrimination on not letting your giveaway go to a non-believer too! Nice touch!
    (So you're saying its Spotlight's fault you have a fabric hoarding issue then?)

  21. Lindi says:

    Totally agree with you! Religion should keep its nose out of it. Their comment that marriage is for male and female, mother and father is archaic. With statements like that, they are also saying marriage without children shouldn't be allowed, aren't they! They really do use bits from the Bible for their own arguments and ignore the other bits.
    I can't wait for Australia to catch up with those countries that are approving marriage without all that Adam and Eve stuff. Then I will be able to help my friends celebrate 20 years (yes, longer than the majority of male female marriages I know) together as wife and wife, as well as a young couple of very lovely young men my daughter is good friends with. They've been waiting 6 years.
    Unfortunately, I can't see it happening with either party, but it WILL happen! The majority want it and Australia will eventually follow the forward moving countries on this.
    Happy Quilting Anniversary, too! 🙂

  22. charlotte says:

    The US government is full of shit! Separation of church and state is a joke. I think it's all about control and their own crazy hangups. We are slowly (very slowly) winning the fight here in the US, state by state. Keep the faith baby, we will get there. Everyone deserves the right to be married to the one they love. Happy quilting anniversary. Thanks for sparkling up this world for me. Love that about you!

  23. Katy Cameron says:

    We can do you a civil partnership, and I think we can call it marriage next year, but maybe you need to move to Paris, totally legal there now, and Spain, and they have crazy religious zealots… (right enough the move hasn't been entirely popular in France, but they like to complain about everything!) We actually have a huge drive on round here right now for gay couples to foster and adopt too

  24. Bethany says:

    Just clicked over to your blog from Elven Garden just to see who was doing the color theory posts. What do I find, a GEM! And I haven't looked your quilting, but I'll be following you from now on. None, not one, argument from the uptight religious right makes any sense to me. You love who you love and marriage equality must be embraced. Now let's go see what you can do with a quilt!

  25. Sarah_L_N says:

    I totally agree. It looks like the UK is heading towards same sex marriage, which is brilliant, but the 'arguments' people use against it are frankly ridiculous. And I say it's brilliant (which it is!), but it really shouldn't be such a big thing that people have had to fight so much for, it should just be the way things are. We are hardly teaching tolerance of others to the next generation by not allowing couples who want to marry to do so. And if marriage is a purely religious institution to produce children then surely non-religious people (like my husband and I) should not be allowed to marry, people who don't want children, people too old to have children and people who are sadly unable to have children. I really hope that Australia and the US follow suit of the other countries allowing same sex marriage so you and Mr. Sparkles can get married 🙂 And happy quilting anniversary! 🙂

  26. Dawn says:

    Wow! I have sooo much to say about this issue, but 75% you've already touched on. So suffice it to say that I totally agree with you and hope and pray that this issue is soon rectified. There was a war to free slaves here in the USA so when will this war be fought and won?? Freedom, it's all about freedom and I'm honored to be part of the United States of America but come on folks do we need another war for same sex marriages to be a reality??? I pray not…..
    It's only my opionion, but I'm going to put it "out there" anyway. Most of the population of the US is now over 60 and many over 65 years of age. I am one of the over 60's. When I was a child (not all that long ago….really 🙂 ) we (most of us…I lived in a VERY small Northern California town) didn't even know there was such a thing as gay. It most definitely was not talked about. Holy crap some folks back in the 50's never even said the word "pregnant". It was like if you said it you had to admit how it happened and…..geez…..you suppose it's catching??!! Ugh! Honestly! I'm not joking! So, can you imagine "gay". Oh, hell no! Maybe I lived in a bubble but I didn't know about gay or homosexual until Rock Hudson was "outed". I was in my mid 30's then!!!! So where I'm going with this is that as long as old codgers are running this country and still living with their heads stuck in the sand nothing will change.
    Happy 1 year quilting anniversary and I wish you and your partner only the best of everything. Let's pray for change and understanding.

  27. CitricSugar says:

    It really bites that you and the mister aren't able to honour and celebrate your relationship with the same formality and officiousness that straight couples do, though I have to believe, what with Canada and Australia being in similar political circles as ex-colonies and all, that if we've legalized it, Australia will soon, too. Here's hoping!

    And Happy Birthday!

  28. Jennyroo says:

    One of the many, many reasons I am so proud to be a Canadian…. Despite our current conservative government, we allow same sex couples the right to legally marry. As it should be.

    Thanks for sharing. And happy quiltiversary!

  29. Nathalie says:

    Love this post! I'm usually a lurker but this subject is very important to me and you have put into words exactly how I feel. We are slowly making progress despite protests in Europe. Let's hope the rest of the world catches on too.

  30. Happy quiltaversay, and my ardent wishes that before long you can have a legal marriage anniversary as well!

  31. Am L says:

    Amen! I am a Christian (Presbyterian Flavor), and believe God loves all of his children unconditionally. I absolutely believe you should be able to marry your partner, and that caring, adult relationships are only the business of the adults involved. Neither I, the church, or any government have the right to tell you what is right for you. I hope and pray that true equality will be given to anyone who wants to marry, and that religion will stop being used as a lame excuse to deny anyone a right. It's an excuse for prejudice, and nothing else. I am grateful that I live in the SF Bay Area of California, and although the fight is ongoing here, I believe it won't be long before all of the US follows suit. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

    Congrats on your quiltaversary! It is an addicting hobby!

  32. Esther F. says:

    And what a quilting year it has been!!! Love your blog, but you know that. 😉
    Being raised in a liberal country by liberal parents, I believe that marrying a same sex partner should be normal in the modern world. Marriage is about loving another adult. I hope that one day, if you still are up to a "big wedding cake", you can legalize your relationship in a marriage bond.
    Esther
    The Netherlands
    P.s. Do you still want some "stroopwafels"? LOL

  33. Ellie says:

    I <3 my gay friends and you too! I will surely use my vote here in the US of A to make sure that there is a double wedding ring quilt in your future.

    Oh, and I love that fabric…I think it would go nice with some brown fabric I have 😉

  34. Auntie Pami says:

    Come to Washington, you can get married and I'll be your witness and toss some glitter, pink of course, to celebrate!

  35. jljenn says:

    Hi molli, my partner & I share your pain here in va, USA. Great to read your blog & see your work! Keep sparkling & I will too!

  36. jljenn says:

    Hi molli, my partner & I share your pain here in va, USA. Great to read your blog & see your work! Keep sparkling & I will too!

  37. Jess says:

    Just was checking out the other blogs that will be on the blog hope (Plum and June) and obviously, found out you are a dude! I just love male quilters, so few and far between but you guys are always inspiring. It sucks that you can't marry the man you love and are committed to. I hope that soon that will change and when it does – lots of glitter and cake!

  38. Susan Owenby says:

    Nice to meet you and I hear you. I live in a state (NC) that just amended our state constitution to define marriage specifically as man & woman. I was so ashamed of us, I briefly considered moving. Keep fighting the fight, I believe one day in the very near future the change you looking for will come.

  39. It is wrong that you cannot marry the one you love, Josh. I am proud that you are a husband and father in all senses of the word regardless of whether the Government legally acknowledge that. I think that public pressure will bring about change soon though.

  40. leanne says:

    fabulous post – hopefully one day soon someone will wake up ! congrats on your first year too – you go girl !

  41. Caroline says:

    Such a shame that this is still completely true, 4 years later. Let’s hope the situation changes soon in Australia.

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